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That being said they are fertile ground for humor. If you have a good one post it here, No snide or demeaning jokes allowed, no off color either.
My favorite; Two Irishmen after a long night at the pub were walking home.
they decided to take a shortcut through the local grave yard.
As they were walking through they were reading the inscriptions on the grave stones. They spied one which read " Here lies an Lawyer and a honest man"
Pat turns to Mike and says " Look at that will ya, two men buried in the same
grave!"
Your turn...KF
The next day, the charity got a letter. Consultation charges and a cash advance on account.
What did the lawyer name his daughter?
Sue.
Unattributed.
What did the lawyer name his daughter?
Sue.
A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.
"Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeemer!", he whined.
"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!" retorted the officer, "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!"
"Oh my gaaad....", replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was, "Where's my Rolex?!"
Couldn't have been BMW owner. He'd know the difference between a "Bimmer" and a "Beemer".
Their legal firm is; Dewey, Cheatham & Howe....KF
from the Tappet Brothers Car Talk show . . .
I want references, I remember that one from Johnny Carson. :-) From the J.C. archives also comes,
"It's so cold in L.A. today [HOW COLD WAS IT], lawyers were walking around with their hands in their OWN pockets!"
I guess they both used it!
A bad joke is an orphan, a good joke has a thousand mothers!
JudgeJeffries
Are you a real judge?
Whay is there not much jokes about Judges, poor lawyers - care to give them a break :)
Q: What's the difference between a bankrupt lawyer and a pigeon? A: the pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW
Don't hold back, lawman, go ahead and share! :)
I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is called a disgrace, two men are called a law firm, and three or more become a Congress.-- John Adams, in the play "1776"
A newer on might go something like this:
A certain lawyer was quite wealthy and had a summer house in the country, to which he retreated for several weeks of the year. Each summer, the lawyer would invite a different friend of his (no, that's not the punch line) to spend a week or two up at this place, which happened to be in a backwoods section of Maine.On one particular occasion, he invited a Czechoslovakian friend to stay with him. The friend, eager to get a freebie off a lawyer, agreed. Well, they had a splendid time in the country - rising early and living in the great outdoors.
Early one morning, the lawyer and his Czechoslovakian companion went out to pick berries for their morning breakfast. As they went around the berry patch, gathering blueberries and raspberries in tremendous quantities, along came two huge Bears - a male and a female.
Well, the lawyer, seeing the two bears, immediately dashed for cover. His friend, though, wasn't so lucky, and the male bear reached him and swallowed him whole.
The lawyer ran back to his Mercedes, tore into town as fast has he could, and got the local backwoods sheriff. The sheriff grabbed his shotgun and dashed back to the berry patch with the lawyer. Sure enough, the two bears were still there.
"He's in THAT one!" cried the lawyer, pointing to the male, while visions of lawsuits from his friend's family danced in his head. He just had to save his friend.
The sheriff looked at the bears, and without batting an eye, leveled his gun, took careful aim, and SHOT THE FEMALE.
"What d'ya do that for!" exclaimed the lawyer, "I said he was in the other!"
"Exactly," replied the sheriff, "and would YOU believe a lawyer who told you that the Czech was in the Male?
The person in the other car approached the man and asked him if he was hurt. The man replied "how would I know i'm a doctor not a lawyer"
One is a scum-sucking bottom feeder and the other is a fish.
What did the lawyer name his daughter?
Sue.
I worked with an Irish chap whose surname was Mee. His sister, a solicitor, was called Sue!
Santa, together with a poor lawyer and an elf are walking down the road. One of them spots some money on the floor - who picks it up?
Why, Santa, of course. The other two are figments of your imagination!
Syzygy
The skid marks...
What's the difference between a dead lawyer and roadkill?... in front of the roadkill.(For those who didn't get it the first time.)
The skid marks...
[edited by: LifeinAsia at 8:58 pm (utc) on Aug. 8, 2007]
I worked with an Irish chap whose surname was Mee. His sister, a solicitor, was called Sue!Santa, together with a poor lawyer and an elf are walking down the road. One of them spots some money on the floor - who picks it up?
Why, Santa, of course. The other two are figments of your imagination!
Good one, mate!
